


Truth Be Told

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-10
Updated: 2006-04-10
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8078827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Malcolm discovers that some truths are inescapable. (07/21/2005)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers: 1.12 "Silent Enemy," 1.25 "Two Days And Two Nights," 2.03 "Minefield," 1.06 "Terra Nova."  
  
Beta: My deepest thanks to Qzeebrella whose suggestions were excellent and definitely helped to improve the readability of this story. Thanks also to GroovyGoddess who lent her support and offered her honest opinion on this piece. Any mistakes that remain are mine and mine alone.  
  
This was a quick emergency fic written for my good friend and usual beta MeanOldCow who badly needed some cheering up. I wrote it specifically for her, but she has graciously allowed me to share it with the list.  


* * *

Malcolm Reed sighed and took another sip of the shockingly green liquid. It tasted terrible but it was giving him a pleasant buzz. So far that was the only thing that had been pleasant about this particular shore leave excursion. No, that wasn't exactly true. He had been enjoying Trip Tucker's companyâ€”until it had been diverted by a buxom redhead. Tucker and his new friend had quickly abandoned him for the dance floor.

Reed absently twisted his glass on the tabletop, staring at the wet rings it left behind on the pale wood. He wondered why he kept doing this to himself. It was clear that Tucker had no interest in him beyond simple friendship. So why did he keep taking Tucker up on his offers to go nightclubbing every time they had shore leave?

It always ended the same wayâ€”with Tucker going off with some beautiful woman and Reed sitting alone at the bar slowly getting drunk. Or at least as drunk as he would allow himself to get in an unfamiliar environment. Reed found himself looking back on the time they had been mugged on Risa with a certain degree of fondness. At least then he hadn't been abandoned, just tied up. With Tucker. That situation had spawned a whole new brand of interesting and enjoyable fantasies. But that was all they would ever be.

Reed sighed again and picked up his glass. A hand fell on his shoulder and he looked up, startled. Tucker grinned at him.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't." Reed said.

"Um, you don't mind if I take off, do you Malcolm?" Tucker asked casting a quick glance over his shoulder. Reed could see the redhead waiting impatiently over by the door. He managed a weak smile.

"No. Go ahead."

"Are you sure?" Tucker asked. Reed could tell that he was eager to be on his way and that the question was for form's sake only.

"I'll be fine. Have fun." He said. Tucker clapped his hand against Reed's shoulder.

"Oh, I plan on it. How about we meet up for lunch tomorrow at that little cafe?"

"All right." Reed said. Inwardly he winced. He knew he would be hearing all about the redhead tomorrow.

"I'll see you at noon then." Tucker said cheerfully. "Enjoy the rest of your evening."

"I will." Reed lied. He watched in dismay as Tucker put his arm around the pretty redhead and left the club.

* * *

Reed sighed and knocked back the last of his drink. It was well into the small hours of the morning and he was exhausted. He didn't know why he had stayed here for so long, nursing a slow succession of nasty tasting drinks. It wasn't as if Tucker was going to come back. Reed settled up his bar tab and then slid out of his chair and left.

The night was pleasantly warm so he decided to walk back to the hotel. It wasn't far and the light exercise would help to disperse his dismal mood. Slinging his jacket over his shoulder, he started down the sidewalk.

He hadn't gone very far before he noticed that he was being followed. The information they had on this world had suggested that there was little street crime, but Reed knew that every society, no matter how civilized, had its predators. He kept his pace even, giving no outward indications that he had seen his stalker, but he was ready when the man made his move. Footsteps drew up behind him. Reed sidestepped the man's sudden lunge, grabbed his arm, and used his own momentum to slam him up against the wall of a nearby building.

"Was there something you wanted?" Reed asked as he twisted the man's arm up behind his back.

"Sorry." The man said. "Sorry. My mistake."

"So it would seem." Reed said. "Let's see what the authorities..." Without warning, something hit him hard across his shoulders. He let go of his captive with a yelp of pain and turned to defend himself. He was just time to see something that looked remarkably like a cricket bat swinging toward his head. There was no time to duck. Pain exploded behind his eyes and then everything went black.

* * *

"You shouldn't have hit him so hard." The unfamiliar voice tugged at Reed's consciousness. It wasn't right; didn't belong.

"Don't blame me." Another equally unknown voice said. "You're the one who wanted to play rough. I told you to use the tranquilizer gun. We'd probably be done by now if you had listened to me."

"Well you still shouldn't have hit him so hard. It's been hours. He's no use to us like this. Corbin isn't going to be happy." Reed didn't like the implications of what he was hearing.

He tried to assess the situation further without opening his eyes. The air around him was dank and musty and he could hear water dripping somewhere nearby. He was lying on his back on a cool smooth surface. He shifted slightly, keeping his movements slow and furtive, and discovered that his arms and legs were tightly restrained. The pleasant buzz the alcohol had given him was gone and his head ached with a throbbing pain that had nothing to do with a hangover. He vaguely remembered being hit by some kind of club. There were at least two other people in the room with him. He had no idea who they were or what they wanted from him.

Despite his best efforts to remain calm, Reed felt his pulse and breathing pick up as the gravity of his situation began to sink in. Something nearby started to beep.

"There." One of the voices said. "See. He's starting to wake up."

Damn, Reed thought in dismay. They had some kind of medical monitor. They knew he was conscious.

"Finally." The other voice grumbled. Reed was startled when a hand grabbed his chin, but he didn't open his eyes. "Come on, you. There's no point in pretending. We know you're awake."

Reed stayed limp and unresponsive, hoping to buy a little more time. Something cold and metallic pressed against his temple.

"Wake up or I'll blow your head off." Something in the voice told Reed that it was not an idle threat. He opened his eyes slowly. The bright lights above him sent sharp stabs of pain though his already throbbing head. He tried to turn his face away, but the hand on his chin prevented the movement. His jaw ached under the brutal grip.

"Very good." The voice said. "I see that we understand each other." The pistol barrel withdrew from his head and the hand abruptly let go.

"Who are you?" Reed was annoyed by how weak his voice sounded. "What do you want?"

"Who we are doesn't matter. We want to ask you a few questions about your ship."

"Go to hell." Reed said angrily. A hand popped across his cheek in a stinging slap. His vision blurred as tears of pain rose into his eyes. He quickly blinked them away.

"Wrong answer." The voice said.

"I will tell you nothing." Reed replied. This time a fist hit him in the gut. He tried to curl up against the pain, but the bonds held him down. He noticed almost absently that he was naked. Right now it was the least of his worries. He lay panting on the cold metal table. The hard hand grabbed his jaw again. He could see a little more clearly now that his eyes had adjusted a bit to the light. His alien tormentor looked down at him with flat black eyes set in a gray cadaverous face. Reed didn't recognize the man's species, but he clearly wasn't one of the locals.

"You'll tell us everything." The man said with a confident smile that exposed dark serrated teeth.

"Damn it, Kaz." The second voice said from the shadows at the edge of the room. "Why do you always want to do everything the hard way? Why don't we just give him the drug like we're supposed to? We've wasted enough time as it is."

"Fine. Go ahead, then." Kaz stepped back and another alien of the same species stepped forward into the light. The tall man held a small hypodermic syringe filled with a silvery-gray liquid. Reed pulled nervously at the restraints, but they held fast. He watched helplessly as the tall man pushed the needle into his arm and depressed the plunger. His arm burned and everything around him took on a startling clarity as the drug hit his bloodstream.

"What the hell did you do to me?" He gasped, utterly shocked by the sudden exhilarating sharpness of his senses. He had expected the drug to make him feel off-balance or lethargic; instead he felt frighteningly good. The alien smiled slightly.

"I just gave you something to help loosen your tongue. Trust me. It will be easier for all of us this way. And now you will tell us about your starship."

"Enterprise." Reed said without meaning to. He was alarmed by the involuntary utterance. Whatever they had given him was working quickly.

"What are your ship's capabilities?" Schematics and technical information immediately filled Reed's thoughts. Words crowded into his throat and he bit his lip to keep from speaking.

"There's no point in fighting it." The tall man said, his voice oddly gentle. "You will tell us." The urge to speak became overwhelming. Reed desperately pushed the technical information into the back of his mind and tried to think of something innocuous to talk about. He glanced around wildly at his surroundings.

"This place is quite awful." He said. "Have you ever thought about redecorating? Some paint would really do wonders..." A heavy fist struck him across the face. Pain flared in his head and he swallowed hard as a nauseating wave of vertigo swept over him.

"The ship." The man said harshly. "You will tell us about your ship." Reed bit his lip and tasted blood. He stared up into the man's cold black eyes. They were strange, flat and dull like a shark's.

"You will tell us." The man repeated and again Reed felt the terrible desire to speak.

"Enterprise." He said. He wrestled with his thoughts, trying desperately to focus on something that had no tactical value. "Archer." He said finally. "Jonathan Archer is the captain of Enterprise."

He had planned on stopping there, but it was as if he had opened a floodgate and the words came tumbling out, one after the other.

"I used to think he was given the captaincy because of his father. His father was instrumental in developing the warp 5 engine. Enterprise is Earth's first warp 5 starship. The warp engine uses a..." He was venturing onto dangerous technical territory.

"Archer." He gasped, wrenching his words back onto safer ground. "I used to think he was put in charge of Enterprise because of his father. I assumed Starfleet liked the symbolism of it. But I don't believe that anymore. He deserves the position. He's a good captain. Even if he drives me utterly mad sometimes."

He fought for silence, but the words still came in sharp disjointed bursts from his unwilling throat and tongue.

"He saved my life once. Out on the hull. I was stuck. Pinned down by a Romulan mine. I should have died. It would have been safer to let me die. But he saved me with his absolutely insane plan. It shouldn't have worked. But it did. His insane plans usually do for some reason. The man has more luck than anyone has a right to. Never had a captain like him before. He likes to be friends with his crew. I don't understand it. Not really. Probably never will. But I think maybe I'm starting to get used to it. It's not so bad."

Reed continued to babble uncontrollably. With increasing distress, he listened to himself explain how Archer had made sure he had pineapple cake on his birthday; how Archer had negotiated with the Novans for his freedom; how Archer liked to invite his crewmembers to dine one-on-one at the captain's table; how Archer took Porthos for walks through the corridors every day.

"Yeah. This is working real well." Kaz said sarcastically, finally interrupting Reed's interminable monologue on Archer. "I thought you said this drug was supposed to make him tell us about the ship."

"It is," the tall man said with a puzzled frown "but he seems to be circumventing it somehow. He shouldn't be able to do that. He should be telling us everything we want to know."

"Maybe his species is resistant to it. Maybe it doesn't work right on them."

"No." The tall man said. "According to the medical scan they're not that different from us. The drug should be working. I'll try increasing the dosage. Give me the vial." Reed felt a stab of panic as he watched the tall man refill the syringe. He didn't know what more of the drug would do to him.

Although he was expecting it, Reed gasped as the needle pushed into his arm. The sting of it felt far more intense than it should. He felt another rush of fire sweep through him as the drug entered his vein. It caused his skin to crawl unpleasantly. Within seconds, everything around him took on an almost supernatural clarity, including the sound of dripping water. It made him think of drowning for some reason and his heart started to hammer painfully in his chest. He was suddenly hyper-aware of his nakedness and the cuffs encircling his wrists and ankles. He felt terribly exposed and vulnerable. Reflexively, he pulled against the restraints, trying to break free. The cuff around his left wrist yielded slightly and he felt a sudden surge of hope. He pulled harder.

"Tell us about the weapons on your ship." The tall man said.

"Phase cannons." Reed said unwillingly. "They're a type of phase modulated energy weapon. Enterprise carries three of them. Two forward, one aft. Rated for a maximum power output of five hundred gigajoules. " Swept along by the drug roaring through his veins, he couldn't stop speaking. All he could do was try to direct his words into the safest path.

Reed frantically forced his thoughts away from the technical and shunted them over to something more personal but far less dangerous. "Commander Tucker and I, we put them in. Our teams worked together. The Captain, he wanted to go back to Jupiter Station to get the work done. But we were under attack. We had to get them installed and we did. Just as good if not better." His breath was coming in short gasping pants now. He wasn't sure if it was because of the drug or something else. "Commander Tucker. Trip. We fought like cats and dogs the whole time. But we did it. Trip. I love Trip." Reed was horrified. Dear God, what was he saying? He wanted to stop but the compulsion to speak was too strong. "I love him. But I don't think he wants me. Not like that. He's my friend. He's straight. He likes women. Even if he liked men, I don't think he would want me. He doesn't love me."

The tall man reached out and grabbed Reed's chin, his jagged fingernails digging into the armory officer's already bruised jaw.

"Tell me about the defensive and offensive systems on your ship!" Bright sparks of pain danced in front of Reed's eyes. He tried to pull away, but was unable to break the man's excruciatingly tight grip.

"H-hull plating can be polarized to disperse energy from..." Reed bit down hard on his lower lip until the sharp pain broke the flow of his words. With a huge effort he wrenched his thoughts back to the previous topic.

"We fight about how much power can be safely diverted to the weapons. Trip is very protective of the ship's systems. We fight a lot. We're so different. He's everything I'm notâ€”handsome, outgoing. But somehow he made it so we were friends. I don't know how it happened. He drew me out somehow. I don't know when I started to love him. It isn't wise. He doesn't love me. But I love him. I don't know how to stop loving him." The hand tightened and he gave a small cry of pain, loosing his train of thought.

"The weapons. You will tell me about the weapons."

"Adjustable-yield torpedoes and phase cannons." Reed thrashed against the restraints and gained a little more freedom for his left arm. If he could just break loose...

"The torpedoes. Tell me about those." The man prompted. Reed bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could. Blood flowed into his mouth and he gagged on the intense coppery taste. All the specifications were in his head, ready to be spoken.

"T-trip." He said and his mind was suddenly flooded with images and thoughts of a very different kind. He gave a raw hysterical laugh.

"I'd like to fuck Trip in the armory." He said. "I'd like to bend him over one of the torpedoes and fuck him." Presented outside of its internal emotional context, the fantasy sounded crude and obscene. Desperately, Reed tried to think of something else to talk about, but the only other things that came to his mind were weapons specifications. There was no choice. He couldn't betray Enterprise and his crewmates. And so he began to tell the two alien men, in exquisite detail, just what exactly he would like to do with Tucker in the armory, and in decon and in the engine room....

It was an agonizing humiliating victory. It was sheer emotional torture to disclose his deepest personal secrets and fantasies to his captors. It left him naked and exposed in a way that had nothing to do with the physical.

Reed knew that he would never be able to think of his fantasies about Tucker again without also remembering this degrading horrible experience. Tucker didn't want him and now he wouldn't even have the faint comfort of his daydreams. They were irrevocably spoiled.

"Damn it!" Kaz said. His voice grated unpleasantly in Reed's overly sensitive ears. "Why isn't it working? Are you sure you gave him enough?"

"That last injection took him up to the maximum dosage. He should have told us everything by now."

"He's telling us everything except what we want to know! Corbin doesn't want to know who this guy wants to mate with. He wants to know about that ship. Give him more."

"We can't give him more." The tall man protested. "It might kill him."

"Who cares? He might as well be dead for all the useful information he's given us. We have to get moving. It's already well past noon. His people might be looking for him by now." The man's words gave Reed new hope. He hadn't realized it was so late in the day. Tucker would have gone looking for him when he didn't show up for lunch. Help would be coming. He would just have to hold out until it did. He pulled a little harder against the loose restraint, ignoring the terrible pain in his wrist. He could feel hot blood seeping along his arm where the hard edge of the cuff had cut into his skin.

"I don't know..." The tall man said reluctantly.

"Do it. Corbin wants information on that ship. He doesn't care how we get it."

"All right, but if he dies, I'm not taking the blame this time."

Reed kept working on the loose restraint as the tall man refilled the syringe, but he knew that it was pointless. Even if he could get his arm free in the next few seconds, he would still have to somehow overpower the two men to get away.

The tall man pinned Reed's partially free arm down onto the table, stilling his vain attempts at escape. Reed struggled against the grip, but he had no leverage. The man slid the needle into Reed's arm and frowned. He withdrew it and tried again. The pain of it blazed brightly along Reed's nerves.

"What's the problem now?" Kaz growled.

"Nothing. He's just a little dehydrated. Makes it harder to find a vein." The tall man pushed the needle in again. "There." He said with a smile. And then he depressed the plunger.

Reed screamed and jerked wildly against the restraints. It was too much. Far too much. The lights above flared into supernova brightness, blinding him. His chafed wrists and ankles suddenly felt like they were encased in molten steel and the table beneath him burned like cold fire. The rank scent of mold pressed around him like some vile living thing. Even the cool humid air seemed to rasp against his bare skin like sandpaper.

"Doesn't feel very good, does it?" The tall man asked sympathetically.

"No." Reed choked. The sound of his own voice hurt his ears. "It f-feels terrible."

"Now then. Tell us about your ship."

* * *

A heavy metallic crash startled Reed and interrupted his involuntary flow of words. The sound assaulted his ears like overwhelming thunder. Shouting and the sharp painful whine of phase pistols followed. Help had arrived. He was being rescued. Reed closed his eyes tightly and tried to hold onto his sanity in the chaos of sound.

Something touched his shoulder. The slight pressure ignited agonizing pain along his hypersensitive nerves. A strangled cry escaped from his throat. Hands started loosening his bonds. As soon as he was free, Reed jackknifed away from them. He rolled off the table and crashed blindly into a wall. He curled in on himself, desperately trying to shield his senses from the unbearable anarchy of noise, light, scent, and texture.

"Malcolm?" Tucker's voice. For some reason it seemed to hurt less than the other sounds around him. Reed slowly opened his eyes and looked up, squinting in the incandescent light. Tucker stared down at him with a concerned frown. "Malcolm? Are you okay?" Reed pushed himself up into an unsteady crouch.

"No." The word slipped out before he could stop it. Tucker knelt down in front of him and reached out. Reed shrank away from the touch, even as he yearned for it.

"Don't." He said sharply. "Don't touch me." His muscles trembled. He didn't know why. It could have been fear or pain or fatigue or reaction to the drug. He didn't know. Tucker withdrew his hand, his expression tight with worry.

"They drugged me." Again Reed spoke without meaning to. "They wanted to know about Enterprise. They wanted..." Reed pushed his fist into his mouth and bit down on it to stem the hoarse flood of words. He didn't want to talk anymore. It hurt to talk. His vision blurred suddenly and moisture flowed down his cheeks. It hurt. Everything hurtâ€”every sound, every sensation.

Reed wanted to collapse against Tucker, to press his face into Tucker's warm shoulder, to let Tucker's strength support him until his own returned. He didn't think that would hurt as badly as everything else. But it was a temptation he could never give in to. Something he could never have. And that hurt too, but in a different way.

Archer came over and held out a blanket to Reed. Reed ignored it. Tucker frowned. He took the blanket from Archer's hand and draped it lightly over Reed's knees.

"Don't." Reed said as he frantically brushed the blanket away. The fabric felt unbearably coarse against his skin. "It hurts."

"What hurts?" Tucker asked, clearly startled by Reed's violent reaction.

"Everything. Everything hurts. They drugged me. I told them...I tried not to tell them anything. They drugged me." Reed bit down on his bleeding lower lip to slow his words. "I don't know what I told them at the end." Panic crowded into his throat. "I d-don't remember how much I told them."

"It's okay, Malcolm. Don't worry about it." Archer said. His voice was low and soothing but the sound of it was almost intolerable to Reed's ears. "We'll figure it out. We have one of them in custody."

"Only one of them?" Reed blurted. "Two. There were two of them. Kaz. One of them was named Kaz. And...and they were talking about someone named Corbin. They said...they said Corbin wanted to know about Enterprise. I told them...." His voice broke and his vision blurred again as fresh tears welled up into his eyes. Humiliation and shame burned through him and he pushed his fist back into his mouth. He could never tell Tucker what he had told them. He could never tell anyone. Reed searched frantically for something safe to say.

"I want to go home." He whispered.

"Okay, Malcolm." Tucker said gently. He glanced up at Archer. " Do we have a stretcher? I don't think he can walk right now."

"No." Reed said. He didn't want anyone or anything touching him. "Transporter. Use the transporter."

"I think we should get Phlox down here." Archer said.

"Please." Reed begged. "Just use the transporter. I can't.... It hurts too much. Please." Archer and Tucker exchanged worried looks. Reed rarely admitted to being in pain and the desperation in his voice took them both by surprise.

"All right, Malcolm." Archer said reluctantly. "Just hold on for a few more seconds while I make the arrangements." Reed said nothing, only pulled in on himself a little more. Tucker stayed near him. He was a little frightened by Reed's uncharacteristic behavior and was completely unsure of how to help him. He watched as Reed dematerialized.

"Do they have him?" He asked anxiously as he pulled himself to his feet.

"Yes. They have him." Archer said. He closed his communicator and put it into his pocket.

Tucker looked around the dank basement room, taking in bloody restraints, the metal table and the bright lights above it. He shuddered and wondered exactly how long Reed had been down here. And what, exactly, had been done to him.

"Shit." He whispered.

"Yeah." Archer said quietly. "I agree."

"Excuse me, sirs?" The voice belonged to Ensign Karlov, one of the security officers they had brought along.

"Yes, Ensign?" Archer replied as he turned to look at the man.

"The local authorities want to take custody of the prisoner. In fact, they're insisting on it."

"Fine, but only if they agree to let us interview him after he wakes up. We need to know if our security's been compromised. The sooner, the better."

"We found something that might help with that." Karlov said holding up a plastic evidence bag. A black fist-sized device rested inside. "We think this is some kind of recorder. According to the locals, it's not indigenous technology. And we also found this." Karlov held up another bag containing a small syringe. Archer stared at it in revulsion.

"I want those sent up to the ship right away. Make sure Phlox gets that syringe. He might be able to tell what was in it. And tell T'Pol that I want her to analyze that device and figure out some way to access any data it might contain."

"Sir," Karlov said, "the locals are going to be upset if we take these."

"I don't care." Archer said. "I'd say that in this case, our interests have priority. Go on. I'll smooth things over with the authorities down here."

"Yes sir."

* * *

"How's he doing?" Tucker asked as he and Archer came into sickbay. They had spent the last two hours on the planet arguing with the local authorities about jurisdiction over the syringe and recorder and Tucker was anxious for an update on Reed's condition. Doctor Phlox looked up from his microscope with a pensive frown.

"Lieutenant Reed is in stable condition, but I'm afraid that I have had little success in treating him. The drug he was injected with has left him extraordinarily sensitive to any type of stimuli. I've never seen anything like it and I have no idea how to counteract its effects. Right now I can't even treat his physical wounds without causing him an unacceptable level of pain." Phlox shook his head in frustration. "I thought about sedating him, but I have no idea how a sedative might interact with the chemicals in his system. Since none of his injuries are life threatening, I felt it best to simply leave him alone for now."

"What?" Tucker asked in disbelief. "You mean you haven't treated him at all?"

"No, I haven't. I'm monitoring his condition closely, but until I can figure out a way to neutralize the effects of the drug, attempting to treat his injuries will do far greater harm than good. He's been put through enough physical and emotional trauma for one day."

"Are you sure that you can't do anything for him, Doctor?" Archer asked quietly.

"The best thing I can do right now is to find some way to counteract the drug. I contacted the central hospital on the planet, but they have no information on it in their medical database. I'm in the process of analyzing its chemical composition now. I promise you that I am working as quickly as possible. I have no desire to see Mr. Reed suffer."

"Where is he anyway?' Tucker asked as he looked around at the empty beds. "You didn't send him back to his quarters like that did you?"

"Of course not." Phlox said. "He's in the decontamination chamber."

"Decon?" Tucker asked in surprise. "Why?"

"I wanted to isolate him from as much external stimuli as possible and it's far easier to control the environment in the decontamination chamber than it is here in sickbay. It seems to be working. He's far less agitated now. He once told me that he found decon very relaxing and that association may also be helping him. Believe me, I am trying to do what's best for him."

"I know you are." Tucker said. "I'm just worried about him is all. Can I see him?" Phlox hesitated.

"Very well." He said reluctantly. "He was asking for you at one point. But please keep the visit short. And see if you can persuade him to drink some water. I've had little luck in doing so. He's rather dehydrated. It's not a critical concern yet, but I would like to prevent it from becoming one. Proper hydration should also help flush the drug out of his system faster."

"I'll see what I can do, Doc." Tucker said.

"Thank you, Commander."

* * *

Tucker peered through the small window into the decontamination chamber. Reed was curled up naked in the middle of the floor as if trying to get as far away from the walls as possible. In the dim light, Tucker could see the dark bruises on Reed's shoulders and the heavily abraded skin around his ankles. Anger rose into his chest at the sight. He wished he could get his hands on the bastards who had put those violent marks on Reed's pale skin. It took him several minutes to push the anger down again. It would do him no good right now and it certainly wouldn't help Reed.

He pressed the comm button. "Malcolm?" He said softly. Reed jerked slightly at the sound.

"What?" Reed's voice was unsteady.

"Can I come in?"

"If you want." It wasn't the warmest of welcomes, but Tucker opened the door and stepped into the chamber. The air inside was warm. He moved slowly and carefully around the other man and crouched down in front of him. Reed's eyes were open, but he remained curled up in a miserable immobile ball on the floor.

"Hey." Tucker said, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. "Phlox said you wanted to see me."

Reed shook his head slightly. He hadn't wanted to see Tucker, not really. Phlox had asked him if he wanted anything before leaving him in the chamber. Unable to stop himself, Reed had said that he wanted Tucker. It was the truth, but he wasn't sure he wanted Tucker with him now while the drug was still raging through his veins and even innocent questions provoked him to speak of things better left unsaid.

He noticed that Tucker was looking at him with a worried frown so he slowly forced himself to sit up. Tucker started to reach out to help him, but then suddenly snatched his hands back.

"Uh, sorry." He said.

"It's all right." Reed replied.

"How are you feeling?" Tucker asked.

"Not good." Reed bit down on the words that wanted to follow. "How did you find me?" It was better to keep Tucker talking than to risk being asked another question. Tucker shifted slightly and sat down on the floor.

"When you didn't show up for lunch I got a little worried. It's not like you to be late. I couldn't get you on the communicator, so I went back to the hotel and tried your room. The guy at the desk said there was no record of you keying in last night. At first I thought maybe you'd met someone and spent the night somewhere else, but even then you would have called me if you were going to be late. So I contacted the ship and we started looking for you. I decided to go back to the nightclub to see if anyone had noticed you leave, but on the way there I found your jacket lying on the sidewalk. That really scared me. I knew that something bad had happened to you."

"It did." Reed said. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. He bit his lip and looked away.

"I'm sorry." Tucker said softly. "I shouldn't have left you alone."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Still, we should've stayed together. I would've had more fun with you anyway. That redheadâ€”after we left the club she started talking about bondin' ceremonies and how her father was hopin' that she would settle down soon and how much he would like me. It made me a little nervous, you know? I wasn't exactly ready to go home and meet the folks when all we'd done was take a couple of spins around the dance floor."

"Oh. I..." Reed bit his lip again, terrified of what he might say. He stared down at the floor.

Tucker frowned, a little worried by Reed's subdued behavior. Combined with his nakedness, it made him seem terribly vulnerable and defenseless. Tucker wasn't used to thinking of Reed in those terms and was unsure of what to do or how to act.

He looked around the room. Someone had left a pile supplies on one of the benches, but it didn't look like Reed had touched any of them. There were several pillows, a stack of neatly folded blankets, some clothing, a small anonymous ceramic jar, four bottles of water, and a few cans of the disgustingly bland yet nutritious drink that Phlox always tried to force down his patients when they were stuck in sickbay.

Tucker thought about offering Reed one of the blankets, but then remembered Reed's earlier reaction to the touch of fabric against his skin. He picked up one of the water bottles instead. He uncapped it and held it out to Reed.

"Here." He said. "You should drink some of this. Phlox says it will help get the drug out of your system faster."

Reed stared blankly at the water bottle, but eventually reached out to take it from Tucker's hand. He lifted it hesitantly to his lips. He took a small sip, and then another before he gagged and handed the bottle back to Tucker.

"Come on, Malcolm." Tucker said gently as he pushed the water bottle back toward Reed. "You need to drink."

"It tastes awful." Reed said, his lips curling with distaste. "Bad. Like the way burning metal smells." Tucker suppressed a sigh and gave up, knowing it was better not to force Reed to do anything at the moment. He placed the bottle back on the bench and picked up the small, unmarked jar. He pulled the lid off and looked at the clear salve inside.

"What's this?" He asked.

"Phlox left it. For my injuries."

"Have you used it?"

"No. It smells terrible." Tucker held the uncapped jar up to his nose, but all he could detect was a faint pleasant herbal odor.

"Lots of Phlox's stuff stinks." He said with a shrug. "But it usually works. Come on, why don't you give it a try? Those bruises look pretty painful." Reed stared at him for a long moment, his eyes unreadable, and then nodded slowly. Tucker scooped out some of the ointment with his fingers and hesitated when he noticed Reed looking at him apprehensively. "I...would you rather do it yourself? I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking..." He started to hand the jar to Reed, but Reed shook his head.

"No. I...I don't mind. Besides I can't reach my back on my own." He turned slightly to give Tucker access to the dark mottled bruises that ran across his shoulder blades.

"Just let me know if you want me to stop." Tucker said.

"All right." Reed replied. Tucker reached out and began to smear the medication carefully over the injuries. Reed trembled violently under his touch but made no sound.

"There." Tucker said when he was done. "Is it helping at all?"

"A little." Reed said. "It doesn't hurt as much with you here." He ducked his head in embarrassment. He hadn't meant to say it. But it was true. Being in the dim quiet room had helped a lot, but Tucker's presence had helped even more.

"That's good." Tucker said softly. "Here. Give me your arm." Reed obeyed and let Tucker spread some of the medication onto his abraded wrist and over the small inflamed marks the needle had left along the inside of his elbow. He knew that Tucker was being very gentle, but the touch still stung and burned like acid and it was all he could do not to yank his arm away.

The medication slowly started to take effect and by the time Tucker had finished spreading the salve on his other wrist and his ankles, the bruises on Reed's back were starting to feel marginally better. Tucker shifted closer and lifted his hand toward Reed's face. Reed recoiled instinctively from the contact, remembering the feel of harder, less sympathetic hands on his chin.

"Hey." Tucker said. "Easy there. It's okay." His fingers ghosted along Reed's aching jaw. The touch was paradoxically painful and soothing at the same time.

"Those goddamn bastards." Tucker said quietly as he smoothed the ointment over the dark contusions. His thumb stroked over Reed's swollen cheek with infinite gentleness.

Reed closed his eyes. A finger brushed lightly over his abused lower lip and Tucker's ministrations suddenly seemed intolerably intimate. Under different circumstances, the situation would have provided him with ample fuel for his fantasiesâ€”himself naked in decon with Tucker, Tucker touching him tenderly. It should have been pleasant. But instead it was unbearable. The memories of his ordeal were still too wrenchingly new and chaotic for it to be anything else. He felt bruised and damaged in places where no medication could ever reach. He flinched away from Tucker.

"Stop." He said, his voice tight and strangled. "Please stop." Tucker dropped his hand immediately. Reed stared hard at the floor, unable to meet his eyes.

"Malcolm?" Tucker asked in concern. Reed only shook his head mutely, fighting against the urge to respond. Finally, he simply curled up on the floor again with his back to Tucker.

Tucker sat helplessly next to Reed, not at all sure how to react. He wanted to comfort his friend, but was afraid of somehow traumatizing him further in his desire to help. Eventually, he decided that Phlox was right and that it might be best to just leave Reed alone for now. He stood to go.

"Trip?" Reed's voice shook.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want you to leave me."

"All right. I'll stay then." Tucker said. He sat down on one of the nearby benches. "I'll be right here if you need me, okay?" Reed didn't reply.

* * *

Tucker shifted slightly on the bench and gazed thoughtfully at Reed. The other man hadn't moved for a long time and Tucker was pretty sure that he had fallen asleep. It was probably for the best. He wondered how long it would be before Reed was acting more like himself again.

A light tapping caught his attention. He looked up and saw Phlox at the window. Tucker stood and exited the chamber as quietly as he could, casting a quick glance back at Reed as the door slid shut.

"The captain would like to speak with you, Commander." Phlox said. "He's holding on the comm."

"I didn't hear it." Tucker said with a puzzled frown.

"Oh," Phlox said, "we've disabled most of the comm traffic to the chamber. I thought it best to keep Lieutenant Reed's environment as quiet as possible. I'm rather surprised that he's tolerated your assistance so well." He looked at Tucker speculatively. "He wouldn't let me or any of the medics touch him at all. Your presence seems to be having a beneficial effect on him."

"I'm not so sure about that." Tucker said, making a face. "Yeah, he let me help a little, but he still seems...I don't know, exactly, but he's not acting like himself at all. I'm worried about him."

"Well, he's been through a traumatic experience and he's still under the influence of the drug. You can't expect him to bounce back immediately."

"Yeah. I guess. Um, excuse me, Doc. I'd better not keep the Capt'n waiting." Tucker stepped over to the nearest comm and depressed the button. "Tucker here. What can I do for you, Capt'n?"

"Trip, can you come up to my ready room? T'Pol and Hoshi have figured out a way to interface the recorder with our systems. I'm going to take a look at it now. I could use your engineering expertise to help determine the tactical value of anything Malcolm might have told them."

"Uh...do you really need me?" Tucker asked. "I kinda promised Malcolm that I'd stay with him. He's not doin' too good right now." There was a short silence and Tucker fidgeted nervously. He knew he was behaving unprofessionally, but he wanted to stay with Reed. "If you hear something you're not sure about, you can call me and I'll come up and take a look right away." He added.

"All right Trip." Archer said finally. "I'll call you if I need you."

"Thanks, Capt'n." Tucker said in relief. "I owe ya one."

* * *

Reed woke with a startled gasp. He wasn't sure where he was or why he hurt so much. He scrambled to his knees and looked around wildly.

"Easy, Malcolm. You're safe. Just take it easy." The familiar voice eased some of his panic. He stared blankly at Tucker for a few seconds before his memories finally came flooding back.

"Decon." He whispered.

"Yeah." Tucker said. "How do you feel?"

"Tired. Hurt." The words rasped from Reed's unbearably dry throat. "You stayed."

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"Yes. But I wasn't sure if you would. I thought that maybe you were just humoring me." Tucker frowned in confusion.

"Malcolm, why would you think..." Reed held up his hand to forestall the question.

"I...I'm sorry." He said, forcing a weak smile. "Don't mind me. I'm still feeling..." he searched for the appropriate word "off-balance right now. I'm glad you stayed." Tucker smiled and moved a little closer.

"Yeah. Me too. Can I get you anything? A blanket? Something to eat?" Reed shook his head. He didn't think he could bear the touch of anything on his skin right now and the mere thought of food made his stomach roil uneasily.

"No. No, thank you." He said. Tucker grabbed a water bottle off the bench and held it out to him.

"Here. I know it doesn't taste right to you, but you need to drink. Phlox said if you don't, he's gonna to have to start you on IV fluids." Reed shifted uneasily at the thought of needles.

"Come on." Tucker coaxed. "Just try it. Maybe it won't taste so bad this time." Reed sighed and lifted the bottle. He took a wary sip and nearly spit the liquid back out. He barely managed to swallow it and started coughing violently.

"Ugh. It tastes wrong." He said. "Are you sure it isn't contaminated?" Tucker took the bottle from Reed's hand and took a quick gulp.

"I'm sure." He said as he handed it back to Reed. "It tastes just fine to me."

"Lucky you." Reed said wryly. Tucker grinned in response. Reed already sounded more like himself.

"It's either that or the IV." Tucker reminded him. "I know it's not much of a choice but..." He shrugged. Reed stared at the water in revulsion but eventually managed to force down another sip.

"Trip?" He asked tentatively. "Have you learned anything more about those men or why they wanted to know about Enterprise?"

"No. Not yet. The Capt'n's been working on it. He might know something by now, but I've been down here with you, so I don't know for sure." Reed looked away, his expression tightly shuttered.

"I don't...I don't remember if I told them anything of strategic value. They might know everything...."

"Malcolm, you shouldn't worry about that right now."

"How can I not worry about it?" Reed said in agitation. "Trip, I might have betrayed everyone!"

"And you might not have told 'em anything. We've taken precautions just in case. The Capt'n cancelled all shore leave so those guys can't try to grab anyone else and the ship is on high alert. And before you ask, yes, we invalidated all of your computer codes, just in case. They can't get to us that way."

"Still..."

"Malcolm, trust me. Okay? I promise we're taking care of everything." Reed sighed and tried to rein in his anxiety. He took another small sip of the water. His stomach lurched in protest.

"What time is it? How long have I been here?" He asked, trying to distract himself from the sudden nausea. Tucker shrugged.

"Twelve hours, give or take. It's pretty late." Reed frowned.

"Don't you have to be on duty tomorrow?"

"Um, today actually."

"I'm sorry, Trip." Reed said. "It was selfish of me to ask you to stay for so long. You should go. Get some sleep."

"I don't mind stayin'. There're plenty of pillows and blankets if I want to take a nap."

"Trip," Reed protested, "this isn't exactly the most comfortable place to sleep. I'd rather that at least one of us got to sleep in a real bed. And when was the last time you ate?" Tucker gave him a mild scowl.

"Who's looking after who here?"

"You need to be well rested, especially if the ship is on alert. I don't want you neglecting your duties because of me."

"Okay, then." Tucker said. "Here's the deal. I'll go back to my quarters to sleep, but only after you finish drinking that." He gestured at the bottle Reed held. Reed made a face in reply, but dutifully took another sip.

* * *

"Malcolm?" Reed stirred at the sound of Archer's voice. The sound was still painful, but it wasn't nearly as intolerable as it had been earlier.

"Yes, sir?" Reed said as he pushed himself up off the floor. He wondered how long it had been since Tucker had left. It could have been hours or days. He didn't know. Time didn't seem to have much meaning in the warm dim environment of decon. Or maybe it was just another effect of the drug.

"Can I come in?" Archer asked. Reed picked one of the blankets up off the bench. He detested the abrasive feel of it against his skin but he draped it loosely over his lap anyway. Modesty was something that was quickly lost on board a starship, but Reed was tired of feeling naked and exposed.

"Of course sir." He said softly. He closed his eyes and turned his face away from the sudden bright light that spilled through the doorway. Archer stepped in and sat down on the bench across from Reed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better." Reed replied shortly. His control over his responses was improving.

"I'm glad to hear that. I have some good news for you. You didn't tell them anything that could compromise the ship. At best they got what a good scan would have told them anyway." Reed gave a small shuddering sigh of relief.

"I.... Are you positive?" He asked.

"Yes."

"How do you know? How can you be so sure?" Reed pressed. Archer had hoped that Reed wouldn't ask. There was no way to soften the blow.

"There was a recording of the interrogation." He said as gently as he could. Reed went utterly still, his gaze riveted on the floor.

"Sir?" Reed's voice was tight with unasked questions.

"I'm the only one who's seen it. I'm sorry. We needed to know if you had told them anything..."

"I understand, sir."

"I've put it under seal. Need-to-know access only."

"Thank you, sir." Reed said dully. He plucked absently at the blanket over his lap; the unpleasant texture of it rasped painfully against his fingers. His pathetic attempt to protect himself from further exposure seemed almost ludicrous now. Physical nakedness was nothing compared to what Archer had heard on that recording. Reed wondered if it were possible to die from sheer unadulterated humiliation. The idea had a certain appeal at the moment. Archer shifted uncomfortably on the bench

"I know this must be very hard for you. I can't imagine..."

"No, I don't think you can." Reed blurted. He was mortified by the bitter spontaneous words. He put his hands over his face, resisting the urge to pull himself into a fetal ball. He wondered if he would ever be able to look Archer in the eye again.

"Probably not." Archer said quietly. "I know how much you value your privacy. I think you sacrificed something deeply personal and important to prevent harm from coming to this ship. I can't pretend to know what that feels like, but I am grateful to you. You gave them no critical tactical information. You kept us safe, despite the personal costs to yourself. My report will reflect that." Reed said nothing and Archer sighed. "I know this will be awkward for both of us. I feel like I know things about you that I have no right to know. I'm truly sorry." Reed dropped his hands.

"It's all right, sir." He said, even though it wasn't really. Nothing was. "I...trust your discretion in this matter." It wasn't like he had a choice. Archer stood.

"I'll go now and let you get some rest." He started to leave, but then hesitated, turning back to look at Reed again. "Malcolm...for what it's worth, I think you're wrong about Trip."

By the time Reed recovered from his shock, Archer was long gone.

* * *

Reed sighed and shoved the pillow and blanket away. They felt unpleasantly rough against his skin; the smooth cool texture of the floor was far more tolerable. He stared up blankly at the ceiling. He'd been stuck in decon for five days now and he was becoming increasing frustrated by the slow pace of his recovery.

Phlox still hadn't found a way to safely counteract the drug, but at least it seemed to be wearing off on its own. The terrible compulsion to answer direct questions was gone and his senses were slowly returning to normal. He was still unnaturally sensitive to everything. Loud noises and bright lights continued to cause him pain and he couldn't bear to eat anything but the blandest of foods. His sense of touch seemed to be readjusting the slowest of all. It no longer hurt outright to be touched, but it still made his nerves prickle unpleasantly as if thousands of ants were crawling under his skin.

On top of it all, he was terribly bored. There wasn't much to do in decon. He only had books and movies to amuse himself with and he had trouble concentrating on those for any length of time. He found himself sleeping and staring at the ceiling a lot more than he wanted to. The comm beeped, interrupting his gloomy thoughts.

"Yes?" He called.

"Hey, Malcolm." Tucker's voice came through the system. "It's just me. Can I come in?" Reed smiled. Tucker's visits were pretty much the only things that made his incarceration bearable. Reed picked up a pair of boxers and pulled them on.

"Yes, of course." He called. The door slid open. This time he didn't have to look away from the light as Tucker came in.

"How's it going?" Tucker asked.

"Fine, I suppose." Reed said. "But I'd be a lot happier if I could get out of here. Any idea when Phlox is going to let me go?"

"Nope. Haven't got a clue. Sorry. I brought you something that might help a little though."

"What's this?" Reed asked, looking curiously at the bulky gray bundle that Tucker held out to him.

"This is the softest blanket I could find in the quartermaster's stores. It's a lot nicer than the standard issue ones."

"Oh." Reed said. He took it and ran his fingers over it experimentally. The soft texture was almost pleasant. "Thank you." He shook the blanket out and draped it over his shoulders. "It feels nice." He said. Tucker smiled at him as they sat down on one of the benches.

"Good." He pulled a PADD out of his pocket. "Here. This should cheer you up even more." Reed took the device from Tucker's hand and looked at the familiar schematics on it. It was a copy of an upgrade proposal he had made a few weeks back. He grinned.

"Does Phlox know that you smuggled this in here?"

"Nope. And if he finds it I'm going to tell him that I have no idea how you got a hold of it. There are a few things about that proposal I wanted to talk to you about. For one, I'm not too thrilled with the way you want to link up the auxiliary power relays to the cannons."

"You don't think it would work?"

"Oh, it would work all right, but it might increase the chances of a cascade failure if they overloaded."

"How so? I didn't come across anything like that in the simulations I ran. The inverters should cut in long before that happens." Reed's skin started to tingle unpleasantly. He gritted his teeth and ignored it.

"Well, normally that would be true, but if everything got shifted onto the auxiliary systems for some reason and if there was a big enough power surge the inverters could be overwhelmed. We'd be in real trouble if that happened." Reed fidgeted a little as Tucker tapped his finger against the PADD display.

"Oh. I...I see what you mean. I didn't think of that." The unpleasant sensation was rapidly becoming unbearable and Reed shrugged the blanket off of his shoulders. It helped a little. "So how...how do you suggest we make the link then? The standard configuration won't be able to deal with that much power."

"Well, I was thinking that if we..." Reed wasn't listening any more. He stood abruptly.

"Excuse me a moment, Commander." He said and then rushed into the small lavatory. Once safely inside he shed his boxers. He brushed his hands over his skin trying to erase the horrid prickling sensation. It didn't help.

"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it." He muttered as he stalked around the tiny room in agitation. He hated not having proper control over himself. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and stopped dead. He looked terrible. He had lost a fair bit of weight in the past few days. His face was pale and gaunt and there were dark circles under his wild staring eyes. No wonder Phlox hadn't let him go.

"Damn it." He whispered. "You're a fucking wreck. Get a hold of yourself." He was beginning to doubt that he would ever feel normal again. The problem wasn't just his senses. Other things had changed as well. He had been trying very hard to think of Tucker as nothing but a good friend, but he knew that he was lying to himself. He still loved Tucker. He didn't think anything could ever change that, but now that miserable unrequited emotion was entangled with other darker things that he didn't want to deal with.

He had to admit that Tucker had been very attentive to him lately. But he was pretty sure it was just because Tucker felt guilty about leaving him alone in the nightclub. He had seen no real evidence that Tucker thought of him as anything more than a friend. Archer was sorely mistaken if he thought otherwise.

"You stupid pathetic fool." Reed said to his reflection. "Trip doesn't want you, so just get over it." He slammed his fist against the mirror in disgust and was startled when it splintered under the sharp blow. He hadn't meant to hit it so hard. He stared at the spider web of cracks. Multiple reflections gazed back at him with hundreds of half-mad eyes.

Shaking his head, he backed away from the mirror until he bumped into the wall. He let himself slide down onto the cold tile floor, and drew his knees up to his chest. He needed to get control of himself. He needed to calm down, get through this mess, and move on with his life somehow.

The soft knock at the door took him by surprise. "Malcolm?" Tucker sounded worried. "You okay in there?"

"I'm fine." Reed replied. "I'll be out in a minute." He rubbed his hands over his face. He thought about putting his boxers back on, but knew that he wouldn't be able to bear the feel of them for long. Tucker wouldn't care, but he did. It was just another painful reminder of how little control he had over himself and his life right now.

He sighed and pulled himself to his feet. If he didn't go out soon, Tucker would probably come in after him. He exited the small room. Tucker looked up at him from the bench.

"Everything okay?" He asked casually.

"Yes. Fine." Reed said shortly. Tucker frowned at him.

"Your hand is bleeding." He said. "What happened?"

"It's nothing." Reed said. He glanced down at the cuts on his knuckles. They hurt more than they should have.

"It doesn't look like nothing." Tucker said. He stood and captured Reed's hand in his own.

"Trip, just leave it." Reed said irritably.

"Let me see."

"I said leave it!" Reed snarled, snatching his hand away.

"Hey, take it easy. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't want to take it easy! Damn it, Trip, I'm sick of this! I just want everything to be the way it was before. I want to be able to wear clothes for more than fifteen minutes at a time. I want to be able to eat something other than protein concentrates. I want to be able to sleep on something other than the goddamned fucking floor!"

"Look, I know you're frustrated..."

"Oh, is that what it is?" Reed asked sarcastically. "So kind of you to tell me." He sat down on the floor, feeling angry and miserable. Tucker sighed.

"Malcolm, this isn't going to last forever. You just have to..."

"Oh, don't you start too! I get more than enough of that rubbish about optimism and attitude from Phlox."

Tucker held his hands up in silent surrender. Reed fully expected him to leave, but he merely sat down on the bench again and picked up the PADD. Reed watched him with a perplexed frown. He wondered why his fit of temper hadn't driven the other man away. After an extended silence, Reed finally decided to test the conversational waters.

"I can't believe I ever found this room relaxing." He said softly.

"It is a lot nicer when the decon cycle is running." Tucker said as he looked around the chamber. "Do you think Phlox would let us turn it on?"

"I don't know." Reed said, trying to hide his confusion. He had expected his comment to be met with cold silence. "He might."

"I'll go ask him." "I.... All right." After Tucker left, Reed went into the bathroom and washed the cuts on his hand, examining them closely to make sure there was no glass lodged inside. He thought about bandaging them, but quickly abandoned the idea. He probably wouldn't be able to tolerate the feel of anything against the lacerations for long. They weren't very deep and would heal just fine on their own.

By the time Reed emerged from the bathroom, Tucker was back and the room was bathed in soothing blue light. He glanced at Tucker uneasily before he sat back down on his spot on the floor. For a time, silence reigned in the small room.

"Feel better now?" Tucker asked quietly.

"Yes." Reed rubbed his hands over his face, ashamed of his earlier outburst. "Trip, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take everything out on you."

"It's okay."

"No it's not. You've been nothing but kind to me and I've been absolutely horrid to you in return. Please forgive me."

"No problem." Tucker said. "After all, what are friends for? Do you want to talk about the proposal some more?"

"No. Not right now." Reed replied. "I think I'd simply like to sit here for a while."

"Sounds good to me." Tucker dropped the PADD back onto the bench. "You mind if I get more comfortable?"

"No. Go ahead." Tucker stripped down to his underwear and then sat down next to Reed on the floor.

"Just like bein' on the beach." He said, leaning back against the wall with a happy sigh.

"Yes. A beach without water or sun or sand." Reed said dryly. He was glad that Tucker hadn't left. Maybe Archer wasn't so far off the mark after all. Maybe there was something there...

"No sno cone stands or women in bikinis either." Tucker said with a grin. "But it's still nice and relaxing." Reed closed his eyes as depression crashed down around him again.

"Yes. Very relaxing." He said trying hard to sound normal. No, he thought sadly, Archer was definitely mistaken.

* * *

Reed lay on his bed and slowly stroked his hand over the gray blanket. He had traded his enforced captivity in decon for voluntary captivity in his quarters three days ago. The worst effects of the drug had finally worn off, but he still felt strangely aware of everything. The soft yielding texture of the blanket held an almost hypnotic fascination. And it wasn't just the blanket. Everything seemed to have the same mesmeric effect on him nowadays - the sound of the warp engine, the colored lights on his computer console, the smell of food cooking in the galleyâ€”everything. It was rather disconcerting even though Phlox had repeatedly assured him that it was only temporary.

It was better than his previous state of painful hypersensitivity but it still rendered him completely unfit for duty. He was often unable to keep his mind on even the most basic of tasks. It made it difficult to interact with other people as well. His attention was constantly being sidetracked by some sound or smell or touch. Reed hated it. He desperately wanted to get back into some kind of normal routine, but there was no way he could do that in his unfocused state.

The door chime rang, pulling his concentration away from the blanket. The sound was strangely appealing.

"Come in." He called, resisting the urge to simply sit and wait for the sound to come again. The door slid open and Tucker walked in.

"Hey, Malcolm. I brought you some more armory reports." Tucker provided him with nearly all of his social contact these days. Other than his daily trips to sickbay, Reed rarely left his quarters. His distractibility was awkward and most people seemed to be unnerved by it. Tucker was the only one who seemed to take Reed's sudden uncontrollable fixations in stride.

Reed was grateful for the new distraction that Tucker and the armory reports would provide. It would take him a long time to get through the status reports, but at least they gave him a vague sense of normalcy and usefulness. With an effort of will, he pushed the blanket away and sat up.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?" Tucker asked as he sat down beside him. Reed shook his head.

"No. I was awake. Just rather distracted again."

"Ah." Tucker said in understanding. "What was it this time?" Reed gave a rueful smile and held up the blanket.

"The texture." He said. Tucker grinned and reached out to touch the fabric.

"Hmm. It feels nice. I'd say you probably had more fun than I did today. Things were dull as dishwater down in engineering. We were so bored we thought about overloading the warp core just so we'd have something to do." Reed smiled.

"I'm sure the captain would have had something to say about that."

"Yeah, I'm sure he would've. But it might've been worth it." Tucker held out the PADD he had brought. "Here are the reports. But don't expect too much. According to Tanner, things have been boring in the armory too."

"I'll take whatever I can get right now." Reed said.

"Oh, really?" Tucker asked with a grin. "Then you're gonna love this." He pulled a data chip out of his pocket with a small flourish.

"And that is?" Reed prompted when Tucker didn't elaborate.

"A copy of that new adventure movie I was telling you about. I thought we could watch it tonight if you don't have anything else planned already." Reed doubted he would be able to focus on the movie for very long, but he appreciated the offer of Tucker's company for the evening.

"It sounds like fun." He said.

"Great!" Tucker said enthusiastically. He jumped up off the bed and started to set up the movie. "You're gonna love this one. There are lots of explosions in it."

* * *

Reed shifted slightly, finally tearing himself away from his deep fascination with the flickering changeable colors on the screen. He blinked and frowned in confusion as his awareness lost its intense focus. He found himself leaning quite comfortably up against Tucker, nearly sprawled in the other man's lap. He had been so engrossed in the colors that he hadn't noticed that he had moved. Tucker's arm was draped casually over him. It felt good.

To his utter horror, Reed also noticed that he was lightly stroking his hand over Tucker's thigh, his fingers sliding up and down the sturdy fabric of Tucker's uniform. He sat up in a panic and snatched his hand away, his face burning with embarrassment.

"Sorry." He said. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Tucker said. "I don't mind."

"I'm sorry." Reed repeated miserably. "I didn't realize what I was doing."

"It's okay. Really. I don't mind." Reed closed his eyes and shook his head. He could hear the sounds of gunfire and explosions as the movie continued to play. He had lost track of the plot long ago.

"No. No, it's not." He clenched his hand tightly against the irresistible desire to stroke his fingers over Tucker's leg again. He didn't think he could bear it, knowing that the privilege was only being granted out of kindness or pity.

"How about if I touched you?" Tucker said. "Would that be okay?"

"Trip...please." Reed whispered, not sure what he was pleading for.

"You didn't want me to before." Tucker said sadly. Reed opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Only because it hurt. Everything hurt."

"I don't think it will hurt now, do you?"

"I don't know." Reed said, his heart pounding in his chest. "It might."

"Why don't we give it a try?" Tucker said. He gently placed his hand on the side of Reed's face. Reed's breath hitched in his throat. He was deeply aware of the warmth of Tucker's hand, the slight roughness of his calluses, the faint scent of plasma coolant and soap.

"Does that hurt?" Tucker asked.

Reed swallowed hard. "No." He said. Tucker slowly slid his hand down to Reed's neck and tugged slightly. Reed resisted for a heartbeat before giving into the light pressure and letting Tucker pull him close. He wasn't at all sure where this was going, but the embrace felt good. He trembled slightly against the warm solidity of Tucker's body.

"What about this?" Tucker asked softly. "Does it hurt?"

"No." Reed was embarrassed by the way his voice shook. Tucker pulled back slightly from the embrace and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Reed was immediately entranced by the exquisite touch and taste of it.

"And that?"

"No." Reed said with a soft sigh. Tucker kissed him again and he yielded to the light pressure, allowing Tucker's tongue to brush lightly against his own. Reed deepened the kiss as he shivered in pleasure. He slid his hand up onto Tucker's neck, delighting in the feel of bare skin beneath his fingers. The reality of Tucker was far better than any fantasy.

The thought cut through the haze of sensation like a razor. Tucker had never shown any interest in him before. So why was he now? A terrible sickening suspicion rose into Reed's mind. He pushed away from Tucker, jumped quickly to his feet and stared at the other man in horror.

"Malcolm?" Tucker asked anxiously. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"What did he tell you?" Reed asked his voice shaking with anger and humiliation.

"What?" Tucker seemed genuinely confused. "Who?"

"Captain Archer." Reed said. "What did he tell you? About what I said when I was drugged?" He wrapped his arms around himself in an unconscious defensive gesture. Tucker rose slowly to his feet.

"Malcolm, calm down." He said. "The Capt'n hasn't told me anything. He only told me that you didn't tell them anything important."

"Then why are you here?" Reed asked harshly. "Why did you kiss me?" Tucker looked at him in confusion.

"Because I care about you. Because I wanted to."

"You wanted to kiss me?"

"Yeah. Wasn't that obvious?"

"You've never wanted to before." Reed said.

"Oh, yes I have. I just never had the courage to do it 'til now." Tucker fidgeted nervously. "I'm sorry, Malcolm, I thought...I thought that maybe you wanted me to do it. I didn't mean to take advantage of you. I didn't think. I, um...you were touching me and I guess I kinda misunderstood what you wanted. I'm real sorry. I'll just go, okay?" He turned toward the door.

"Wait!" Reed said. He lunged forward to grab Tucker by the hand. "Don't go. I thought...I thought maybe you'd done it out of pity or..." He let his voice trail off.

"No. I wouldn't do that to you, Malcolm. I did it 'cause I love you. I guess with everything that's happened, I just finally decided to act on it."

"Oh." Reed said. He dropped Tucker's hand, taken aback but the unexpected declaration. Archer had been right after all. He wondered what Archer had seen that he had missed. "I-I didn't know. You never said anything; never gave any indication..."

"I know. I was too worried about how you'd react. I mean we have to work together an' all. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I hope we can still be friends."

"No, no. You didn't...it's not...." Reed stopped in frustration and tried again. "I...I love you too, Trip. I have for a while. It's just...."

"Just what?" Tucker edged closer and touched Reed's shoulder tentatively. Reed took a small step forward into Tucker's space and wrapped his arms around the other man. Tucker returned the embrace without hesitation.

"What's wrong Malcolm? Why would the Capt'n tell me anything about what you said?"

"Those men who drugged me. I...I told them things. I couldn't stop myself. I had to tell them something. But all I could think about was you and the ship. And I couldn't tell them about the ship, so I told them about you instead. I told them..." Reed faltered. He found himself rubbing his thumb over one of the zippers on the front of Tucker's uniform. The roughness of it against the pad of his thumb was oddly engaging. He forced himself to stop, curling his hand into a fist.

"Malcolm," Tucker said gently "you didn't tell them anything that they could use to harm the ship or us. Anything else you might have told them doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." Reed said his voice laced with anguish. "It matters to me. I told them things, personal things, that I've never told to anyone. And I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop because if I did, then I would have told them what they really wanted to know. I told them that I loved you." Reed said miserably. "I told them before I told you."

"That wasn't your fault. You were drugged. Besides, you told me now and that's what's important."

"That wasn't all I told them. I told them all of my fantasies about you too, in great detail. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...."

"Malcolm, stop it." Tucker said shaking him lightly by the shoulders. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. I'm not sorry. Truth be told, I'm glad you have fantasies about me, 'cause I have some of my own about you. And if talkin' about me prevented you from telling them something important about the ship, then I don't mind. I don't care what a couple of thugs think about us."

"The Captain knows too." Reed said, embarrassment coloring his voice. "He saw that recording."

"Is that what you thought the Capt'n had told me? That you had fantasies about me?"

"Yes."

"You should know that he would never do something like that." Tucker said. "He knows how to keep secrets."

"I-I wasn't so sure." Reed stammered. "It just seemed suspicious. I mean you've never given me any indications that you cared for me as anything but a friend, and then all of a sudden..."

"It was just bad timing on my part." Tucker said. "This whole thing really made me think. When you were missing all I wanted to do was find you and tell you how I really felt. And then we were sitting there watching the movie and you were all nice and relaxed. And you were touching me like that and I.... It seemed as good a time as any to tell you. But the Capt'n had nothing to do with it. I swear to you, he never told me anything about what you said."

"Trip, did you ever say anything to him? Regarding how you felt about me, I mean?"

"No." Tucker said. "He's my friend but I don't tell him everything. Why?" Reed shook his head.

"Never mind. It doesn't matter."

"I wish I'd had the courage to tell you before, Malcolm." Tucker said with a sigh. "If I had then we probably would have stayed together that night. I don't know why I went off with that woman, except that she was pretty and available and I didn't think you were."

"Oh. So you don't think I'm pretty?" Reed asked. Tucker laughed, glad to see Reed's sense of humor returning.

"You know what I mean. You're far prettier than she was. I just didn't think you were really available. After all, it's not like you gave me any indications either."

"I know." Reed said. "I thought you were straight and I didn't want to ruin our friendship by telling you that I was attracted to you. Trip what happened to me wasn't your fault. And look at it this way, at least this whole mess caused us to tell each other how we feel."

"Yeah. I guess it did."

"So...where do we go from here?" Reed asked hesitantly.

"Wherever we want to, Darlin'." Tucker said with a smile, his eyes sparkling. "I was kinda hoping that you would tell me about some of those fantasies of yours." Reed felt the blood drain out of his face. He pulled back from Tucker and turned away.

"I can't." He said. "I'm sorry. I can't think about them without remembering...." He felt Tucker's arms close around him from behind. "I hate it." Reed said. "It's like they have something of me, something of us that they have no right to."

"I'm sorry." Tucker nuzzled Reed's neck gently. "What if I tell you about my fantasies instead? It might take a while, though, 'cause I have a lot of 'em." Reed gave a half-hearted laugh and leaned into the embrace, letting his head fall back onto Tucker's shoulder.

"I'd like that, Trip." He said as he reached up to entwine their fingers together.

"Malcolm," Tucker said softly "they don't have everything. You know that don't you? We're here, together, right now, and they don't have that."

"No. They don't. And they never will." Reed said, turning to face Tucker. "This is ours." Their lips met and Reed felt the rest of the world falling away until he and Tucker alone made up the whole of the universe. "All ours." He said fiercely when the kiss finally broke off.

"It sure is, Darlin'." Tucker said. Reed smiled. He could see the love in Tucker's eyes. It was real, like his. And that was all that truly mattered.


End file.
